not quite as good as a mom as i thought i was......

so here's some from our knoxville getaway...since the wedding was saturday, we went up wed and stayed w friends...made a trip to dollywood's splash country. my camera batteries died right as we got into the park (tragic, right?) but what a great time. unfortunatly, because of my condition (baby on board) the only slide i rode was a kiddie one with brax...and i must say my heart started racing as we waited in line! we enjoyed enough of the park before a huge storm kicked us out around 4. we stopped by to see our friends ben & jerry before cozying up in the cabin.

a pizza place that made the kids animals out of dough....

rehearsal dinner BBQ

a proud moment when the gown zipped!...both of ours!

the wedding was beautiful. sarah and i became friends late in high school and i became part of her family when i lived with them for 4 months before my own wedding. they embraced me and treated me like their 2nd daughter. so all day saturday i was problem solving in my head what we were going to do with brax during the wedding...(generally no biggie, brock would sit with both of the kids while i was up front...but the nite before at the rehearsal we learned brock had a part to play in the wedding...) mia, i figured would be fine sitting alone, but brax, being a 2 yr. old little boy, worried my mind...fortunatly they ended up having childcare where brax stayed but mia wanted to watch wedding...perfect!..NOT! JUST as the wedding was beginning, i hear her screaming INSIDE THE SANCTUARY!...i rushed her to the back to figure what the deal was.... long story short, brock tried to sort it out while i walked down the isle and COULD HEAR her still screaming...ugh...i was humiliated and felt helpless as i stood listening to the vows and my screaming child.... all this time i had been on the offense to keep brax pleasant when mia throws me for a loop....

as i near the end of my pregnancy, i find myself feeling less and less prepared for the new baby and ALL the responsiblities that 3 will hold.... there are days like yesterday when i run errands with the kids and it's a great joy to involve them in daily activities....for them and me...then there are moments like the wedding, when i feel like a total failure and like i'm in well over my head... as i stood on the stage, i counted all the different ways i was going to punish her for embarassing me and ruining the wedding...but somehow when i saw her, all i felt was compassion for her... she was truly upset about something and understood the magnitude of her behavior. i could've held it over her head and made the reception miserable for her (and prob. me) but instead explained where it all went wrong and how her reaction could've been different next time... so in all of this, i am once again humbled by my children, realizing that i'm not as good as a mom as i thought i was. LOVE JOY PEACE PATIENCE KINDNESS GENTLENESS MEAKNESS FAITFULNESS... THESE are the qualities that i hope to model to my children, but DAILY fall flat on my face. what a challenge and joy as i figure it all out....

hanging out in hotel...